So I Thought

Started work recently and life hasn't been as sweet. Mourning the loss of self-confidence in the whole fashion thing due to lack of expertise and just wanting to buy clothes I can't afford; basically life so far. I am a ranter I have realised that long before. At least I have something to fill my time while I wait and wonder. Life's just a little odd now. Don't know when normal life will come back but hopefully soon.

Shivering in With OCD

You continue mopping and wiping each crevasse of your room. Making sure everything looks neat just so you can mess it up again and repeat the whole process. But why? Is it cos it's the only thing you can control in your life; or the sole fact that you know something bad is going to happen and you're trying to keep your mind of it; or just because you can't stand your mom nagging up a storm? Whatever it may be, you suddenly just stop cleaning. It's 2.30am and you've been cleaning since noon. Your room's kinda neat but you need to clean some more. You can't. You shiver and you drop off your study chair; where you sat down arranging the magazines on your desk for the past 10 minutes. Eyes start dampening and you don't know what's wrong with you. You've been sleeping at 4am almost every night and even then, going to bed's a struggle. You're getting sick from the late nights but you can't sleep. Your eye bags build up and you notice how haggard you look in the mirror. You pick yourself up and take a quick shower. You come back to your neat room feeling a little satisfied but the heavy feeling still lingers. Lying down on your bed felt nice that particular night and you had no trouble sleeping which was to much surprise. You know this (easy-to-sleep nights) doesn't happen often and the shivers will stay but you cherish the moment because tomorrow it won't be the same.

Jane.

The Hungry

I hate to say this but I actually miss the cold 6am mornings where I'd struggle to breathe after splashing cold water on to my face. The many times I'll forget to bring my Biology textbook to class and the many moments when I'd come to class late because I was planning world domination (dealing with club work, paper work and other miscellaneous odd duties) during my self-extended recess and my Chemistry teacher's disappointed look when I make my walk of shame into class while people stare at me as if I had killed a man.

The grass is always greener on the other side and I can tell you I really wish I had somewhat of an obligation to do something at the moment. A chore, homework, a job; something to keep me busy so I could do something productive other than spend money that's not mine.

Looking for a job at this point of time has been a definite struggle and I can tell you I'm desperate as ever to get one. Going through interview after interview, hoping for a call after is like expecting me to clean my room (which at this point makes me feel disgusted). Well, on a lighter more enthusiastic note, I went for a job interview with Naomi at 'Inside Scoop' a new ice-cream joint near my house with the cutest ambiance and probably the best waffles in town. The interview was exceptionally interesting with me being showed two middle fingers and the main topic of life in general perspective. It was a good one and a half hours spent.

Also, been selling old SPM books at the school bus stop and managed to make RM60 after an hour a day for 3 days of shamelessly yelling "OLD SPM BOOKS FOR SALE!" at random students. Oh well, they can't judge me cos I'm not in high school anymore so I guess it doesn't really matter.

Jane