One of my more enthusiastic Sundays

So this was taken on the last Sunday of the year. Just wanted to share it cos it's one of my 'good outfit' days compared to my very usual jeans, cat t-shirt and baggy cardigan 'Sunday Church Outfit'. So yea. It was a relatively good Sunday. I like the message that day which was about being thankful in all circumstances be it good or bad. Nothing much to say, just an outfit post today. Have a great day.

Outfit: White Top (H&M), Floral High-waisted Skirt (random shop), Black Stockings (Sox World), Ballet Flats (Vincci), Magenta Feather Earrings (Diva)

Jane.

PS: The 'random shop' is a literal random shop in Summit shopping mall and I bought the skirt for like RM10, and you can't see my earrings sadly but I wore them that day.

The fail

So this picture was taken one morning when I decided to not get out of bed and just play random Digital Chocolate games on my Sony Ericsson W595. Thinking about it now I'm definitely going to miss sleeping in till noon (or like 11.00am) and being able to sleep at 1.30am everyday watching repeats of The Rachel Zoe Project without feeling guilty about it. Though next year is a big year and since I dropped from the frist class in my form to the fourth I'm gonna have to really take prioritizing to a whole other level. So, yea. Have nice day whoever is reading this...

Jane.

2300 hours

So it's 11.00pm and I'm just here sitting on my very white couch in my living room with the fan making a weird noise. Well it was a relatively good day nothing much to do or say really. Though I just wish i could bring myself  on a one man road trip. Nothing fancy, just my mom's green compact car, a tank full of petrol, a suitcase filled with enough clothes and underwear to last me a week or so and some cash. I guess since the year is coming to an end I still cannot stop reminiscing of the great time I had in camp as well as the friendships I've built and also how truly amazing this year was even if it was a tough one. If you've known me long enough I'm not one to blame the year for being bad because if one wants a year to swiftly for them, they make the effort to make it better. So I guess many of the amazing moments of 2013 happened by chance I thank God for all that He has done and given to me for the past 16 years of my beautiful God-given life. I know this blog post is all over the place jumping from road trips to camp and then talking about my year but I guess I'm in one of those moods where I wanna say something but i don't have anything in particular to say. So this is like 90% of what my brain is holding right now. Though I can't wait to start a new year, even if it seems a little intimidating to be a senior and all that but I'm truly excited because a new year means new experiences, new lessons, new people, new sights, new faith, new everything. So i guess 2013 wasn't as bad as I thought it was. So, yay me. Hope you all out there in the great big world have a blessed new year ahead <3

Jane.

Joyeux Noël

So I look extremely festive in this get up and let me tell you this is the first time I've done this. I feeel absolutely vain but I guess I wanted to share one of my 'good outfit days' on my blog. So, i went roaming around with Vanessa and Naomi at a local shopping mall and we were all decked out in Santa hats being our 'fun' youthful selves. We started the day with a meal at McD and proceeded to take pictures in front of the mall's restroom which isn't the most glamorous location in the world but it had plain white walls which were a simple backdrop for random photo-taking. So that was pretty much our day in a nutshell. Oh! And before I end this post I want to wish everyone out there a holly jolly Christmas and a happy new year! Have a blessed Christmas everyone!

Jane.

Outfit: Santa Hat (Vanessa's), Denim Jacket (Seed), Black Tank Top (Peacocks), Dark Red Leather High Waisted Skirt (Cotton On), Black Golden Chained Sling Bag (Cotton On), Slippers (Fitflop)

PS: I wear Fitflop because I have back issues... it kinda helps

All good things come to an end

So I probably don't have the most attractive ankles in the universe but this was taken last night (22/12/2013) marking kakak's last day at work. She was all packed and ready to return to her place of origin. I spent the night at an aunt's house so I could join them bright and early in the morning (4.00am to be exact) to see her off at the airport.It was an extremely emotional time as kakak has been with me since I was 5 years of age. She saw me grow up and has definitely grown to be part of the family. I do hope to see her again one day. The memory of her waving goodbye to me at the airport seems to replay over and over like a never ending gif.

Jane.

An escape from reality

So venturing out of my comfort zone into something rather different from my usual 'being spoilt by the amenities of the city' kinda thing. 4 days and 3 nights in a church camp themed Bold by my youth group was a refreshing experience and it really touched my heart in so many ways that make me wanna laugh and cry at the same time. Well, basically we resided at El Sanctuary home stay throughout the camp and basically we just carried out all camp activities there as well. The talks were extremely helpful as Pastor Tay covered issues like fear and overcoming it. He wasn't your typical wise man speaker, but he used his life experiences to motivate and encourage us in many different ways which was definitely something that kept me awake during his talks. I also thought that the BGR session was an extremely good one, because as Asians we rarely touch on topics relating BGR. I also enjoyed the time I spent with my devotion group and also playing games (especially captain ball although I'm horrible at it). Other than that I also loved the concept of the wooden chalets that we stayed in which were pretty cute. Plus the food was definitely amazing (sometimes a little too spice but it was really good food), I really loved it though sometimes they would serve me portions which were a tiny bit too big but I was encouraged by Maureen to finish my food! We also had 'Theme
Night' which is basically a night where we dress up according to a theme (this year's theme was WILD WILD WEST) and I was dressed up as a cowgirl :) We did some square dancing, built a teepee, did a charade-ish game and did some more dancing, and it was really fun. At the end of camp I had my feels all over the place, declaring several times that I wouldn't want to leave because I loved it so much, waking up every morning looking forward to another day but I guess camp had to come to an end. I managed to give Pastor Tay and Daniel (the guy who served our food and helps run the place) a note each to express my gratitude :) Well while I was having dinner just now I was just thinking of how fun it would be like to just go back to Malacca again and experience camp all over and it almost got me sobbing. Though I have to say that this camp was by far one of the best camps I've ever attended and I would definitely love to go back to El Sanctuary. It makes the sleepless nights of putting together the Camp Manual worth it because camp was truly amazing. At the end of this post I don't want to forget to thank God for giving me the means to go through this camp with full enthusiasm and also gave me a little spiritual guidance along the way.

Jane.

Walking down memory lane

Well basically, I've been obsessing over Lizzie McGuire which led me to dig up clips from The Lizzie McGuire Movie and fall in love with the Lizzie Gordo relationship. It's absolutely sweet and I just feel all gooey and sappy whenever I watch them. I also love feeling the nostalgia from my childhood maybe because I loved how happy I used to be not having to care too much about academics or responsibility or even how I might survive going to college in the future. Nostalgia is one of my most favourite feelings yet it kinda puts you into this realm where you're literally in your own world. Whenever I go back in time to relive the little TV shows or the little moments I loved so much it makes me feel so sad that I'll never be able to do what I did back then yet it makes me feel extremely grateful and happy that I got to experience a childhood free of smartphones and technology where I was happy enough to have a plastic spoon, or even an eraser to play with. 

So far.

So far my holidays have been fine. The month of November is coming to a close which means I'll be turning 16 in two weeks and also that the dreaded year of 2014 is coming round the mountain. Though I hope things will take a turn for the better next year. I hope for new endeavours and hopefully good encounters. I'm well aware that the world/year/month/week won't determine my future. Some what like how many people like to say "2014 please treat me well". I mean 2014 is not gonna treat you well unless you make the effort to treat yourself well. I know it's obvious and people just say it for the heck of it but seriously, the only person that can make a difference in your life is you and God and no one else! The only way you are going to get a pamper treatment from 2014 is if you treat yourself well. To me everyday is the same whether is 2014 or 2020. Life still carries on and the world keeps orbitting the Sun. So enough of that, and more of what's going on in my never not mundane life.

So I've reached a miraculous number of Lizzie McGuire episodes and falling in love with Gordo every single episode, wishing so much that I will meet an exact replica of him one day. (Physically and personality wise) Other then Lizzie McGuire my days are spent decluttering my room and basically social media. Though watching Lizzie McGuire has made me realise that I don't have to give in to peer pressure or care what other people think of me. I mean I've known that all this while and never really gave in to peer pressure that much but I have to admit I give in to the basic image of what the media depicts as the perfect physique or the perfect face. I mean it makes you feel like crap knowing that you'll never get enough money to cut your flaws out of your face or body so you'll look like what the magazines tell you to look like. (I know this sounds super girly girl I want to look like a model but I can't kinda situation but I'm gonna say it anyway) Though Gordo reminds me that it doesn't matter if I like the things I like or if I look a certain way. All that matters is that I'm happy and I'm doing the right thing. So yea, it's also nice to bring myself back to the times where teenagers were less complicated and less caught up in social media.

Jane.

So it goes on

Having a horrible tummy ache and lots to do this holiday but my procrastination level is at a high. I feel like I've lost all sanity. I am honestly very much uninspired to write at the moment but I do not want to abandon this page and make it a ghost town. So, I think it's time I started cleaning my room and getting ready for the year ahead but I'm still not showered and it's already 5.30pm. So I suppose I'll push all that needs to be down till tonight and feel like crap tomorrow due to my lack of sleep. Well, I think today's post will be short as I have to get going on my duties for camp.

Jane.

PS: I really can't wait for youth camp! I really hope for tonnes of fun and hopefully renewed faith.

The holiday

Well, I technically already on 'holiday' so to say because exams are pretty much history and I'm sitting in my room thinking about Adam Lamberg of Lizzie McGuire and wondering what in the world he is doing right now (Yes, I have the weirdest thoughts). Still thinking on how I'm going to plan out my holiday systematically so I can get everything I need to get done in the time span of about 1.5 months. Hmmm... obviously I regret everything that I didn't get done for finals but I have to move on. Life's to short to hold a broken toy you can't fix. (I'm a cliche leave me alone) So, the plan is to make sure that my year ahead is not 'broken' and hopefully improve emotionally, physically and spiritually. Bah.. so much to do but with holidays it seems as if you have an endless amount of time to kill so my procrastination level is infinite at this point. I might also start reading which is a miracle because reading is like a bad pill. It makes me all sour and frustrated because it just makes me go "How in the world do people read these things?" because I can't stand reading something I don't understand like Pride & Prejudice. I tried and got about half way through. I have tonnes of friends who are extreme bookworms and are extremely flowery with their language. Makes me feel like a little lost in conversation whenever the topic of books comes up. I mean seriously, I don't read, how in the world am I gonna make a smart comment on some John Green novel? Maybe the whole reason I wanna start reading is because of peer pressure  but we'll see if I give in to it or not. Though I remember how I used to love reading as a child. It's odd how one can change so much and still be the same. Oddly this blog post is longer than it should be. Au revoir.

Jane.

The full stop.

Well today marks the last day of finals, a day that should be filled with joyous celebration or at least a 4 hour nap. Unfortunately I feel a deep regret for not studying earlier and for 'giving up' mid finals. Well, I can just feel the bad grades just flooding into my report card. Though regretting my past actions won't get me anywhere far. Though the end of finals means lots of other things to get done and also the wrath of my mom's voice coming to haunt my Halloween with screams of "DID YOU STUDY TODAY?" or "JANE, GO STUDY!" in her very very Chinese accent. Well, I don't blame her for doing it , I mean it is a reminder but the tone is what just gets to me. I hate it when someone says something with an aggressive tone, it makes them sound so angry rather than stern. People should start watching 'Jo Frost: Extreme Parental Guidance" or "Jo Frost: Family SOS" and learn the difference of sounding stern and sounding aggressive.

Well, on a lighter ding, I've filling my afternoons watching episodes of Lizzie McGuire and I absolutely miss it so much. I love the last last scene of the Lizzie McGuire Movie where Lizzie kisses Gordo. It's literally the sweetest thing ever. I ship Gordo and Lizzie. Well now, Lalaine (Miranda) and Adam Lamberg (Gordo) are doing their own thing and Lizzie has a kid which makes me wish I was their age so I wouldn't get so attached to this show. I watched the first time when I was 4 and now being almost 16 I'm watching it again. YAY!

Jane.

New found spirit perhaps?

So about 6 days left till finals are over, I have come to a conclusion that all I can do at this point is my best and that worrying or whining about how bad I did will only make myself feel worse about my life. Plus, regretting that I didn't take the initiative to study earlier won't help either. Though I've learned a pretty big lesson going through finals feeling utterly horrible. It's that I should never ever waste my time ever again. I keep wanting and wishing for the time that I wasted to return but life just doesn't work that way (Yes, I'm well aware that is impossible to turn back time). Thankfully it has given me new spirit to carry forth I suppose. I mean, it just gives me the want to end finals and just fast forward to the holidays where I can finally have about a month and a half to actually sit down and figure out my life, get things sorted out and do things that make me happy at the same time. I wish so much to actually do more than I say because I normally end up just wasting off half my holiday and regretting the other half. Hopefully my plans for pushing forward will come to reality. Until next time.

Jane.

Worse

So I screwed up both my Add Math and Physics papers today for finals and I don't know whether I'll still be in the first class. Well I hate the fact that I'm trying to keep a positive environment for the formation of positive thoughts in my head but clearly everything on the internet especially people who are button doobly doo smart are complaining about how bad they've done. Makes me realise how when I came to Form 4 my student standard just went from bad to worse. It really gives me this whole big picture in my head that I am going to fail my life and I'm gonna be homeless one day. I'm trying very hard to make it better but I don't think I have the energy to do it anymore. I just feel like giving up on everything because I know well enough that I'm never gonna get what I want. I'm never gonna be the smartest or the most interesting person in the world because there's always gonna be someone better than you that you're gonna compare yourself to. So that's my piece of mind right here on the Internet. It just makes me sick to my stomach to think about how much I would love to turn the clock back and would've just stayed a baby forever. It's sad how my blog is turning into my personal rant page rather than a blog. Kay, I'm done.

Jane.

The now.

Well, after the whole, I wanna punch a wall drama scene, my emotions mellowed down and I decided to counter my emotions with a more subtle approach, with thoughts that my negativity would only drive more and more people out of my life. Well yes I am being an extreme cliche and a little overly dramatic but I decided to close my eyes and put my hands together and pray. It's been long since I've been able to feel comforted and consoled and finally I regained a tiny bit of positivity last night. This probably isn't one of my usual posts but I for once actually can say that I feel a little more happy, like a tiny bit of my burden has been lifted off my shoulders. 

Jane.

Bad timing

Well I feel like punching a wall and jumping of a 60 foot tall building. Aside from that everything is fine.

Jane.

.

Waking up on a day to day basis feeling utter dismay and totally no idea why I continue on is pretty much what sums up my past month. I still feel this way and I have many reasons why. I just can't take it! I see everyone around feeling utterly happy and blissful going on with their lives but I just have no clue why I can't 'enjoy' mine. I know being sad is a decision and not something that you can't change but I don't know why I choose to stay this way. 

Jane.

Solitude (kindly do not find this LOA, I just need to vent)

Putting off my studies for abit because of my dampened spirits. I hate to say it time and time again the longing to feel like I can relate to my peers. It's like I'm on the other side of the window wanting to get in not knowing how to or why I can't get in. Ignorant of my existence. It's pretty much my day to day life. Should've gotten used to it but well I guess I'm too much of an amateur at the whole 'I can be immune to this kinda thing' act. I don't blame them for anything, all I blame is myself for not having the sensibility, the sensibility to judge on my own circumstances. Knowing very well no one ever passes by on here, I am aware that no one will ever see these words. To whoever takes time to digest all that I'm uttering, I thank you very much. I apologise for throwing out more negativity into this space we call the Internet but where else can I vent but here? 

Jane.

PS: I thank those who have known and acknowledged my condition, my feelings and listened to me vomit out all that has accumulated inside of my tiny being. Thank you. (Names are flooding into my head but I will not name them as I'm afraid ill miss someone out)

It was meant to be

Hello. Half past midnight, the sound of cars from a highway somewhere out there. No, I'm not where I normally am. I'm not in my habitat. Currently sitting in a study room, on a couch feeling pretty tired but I'm calm and relaxed. Feeling less angry or depressed than I normally am. I think it's the Soap & Glory, I don't know. So I've been here for hours trying to get paperwork done while I hear mahjong pieces being thrown violently on a wooden table from downstairs. Mahjong seems like a very aggressive yet not very aggressive game. I've tried it once or twice but my mind is far too slow for it. I'm pretty contented in this tiny room. I like it honestly compare to my ever so cluttered bedroom which I don't even sleep in for goodness sake! Well st least it's 'decorated' in a way. Though I wished I hadn't painted my wall purple though it is a fun colour. Hmmm.... what to say what to say... This reminds me I have to text someone, hold on right there... (This is what happens when I'm thinking...)








And so now I have plans at 10am and I'm not even asleep yet. Good greif. (I tend to speak like an old English lady when I'm blogging I don't know why... maybe its just me) So I'm trying to start over during this holiday turn over a new leaf but it doesn't seem to be happening. My thoughts always get the best of me and I get sad all the time especially when I'm looking at people with their oh so perfect lives not having to struggle a day in their lives for anything, and others that just go on with their lives not knowing of my existence in theirs but there are some along the way that brighten up my day (no I never forget them). I'm trying to look on the brighter side of things, trying to let go of the grudges that I hold towards the countless people I've crossed paths with. Some even being the ones who are the closest to me in fact. Well enough about that, I shall talk about my new little obsession!!!! Well not much of an obsession I think of it as a mere phase. Well I went to the movies yesterday (couple seats are amazing! they comfy as heck!) and I watched Wolverine. My mother's friend took me and she picked the movie. This wasn't the normal kind of movie I'd watch considering the fact that I hate movies and the only movies I watch are either chick flicks or romantic comedies. So Wolverine was a first and it was AMAZING! I kinda had got hooked on this character Yukio which was like a spunky sidekick for Wolverine and she was all cool with her red hair and samurai sword. She was just so cool! Like seriously YOU HAVE TO WATCH THE MOVIE! YOU JUST HAVE TO!KDJBFKSJDBFKJDBFKJDBFKJDBKJSDB yes...... Okay I think I'm done for tonight getting sleepy... might just fall asleep here... Night.

Jane. 

Slacking

So, I planned out my week on what I should study and my time and everything and so far today was a bust. Procrastination got the best of me but hey! At least I got to complete a beautiful wall ornament/bunting  which has been used to add a little spice to my once plain and mundane wall. Well I got the template from a wedding website called Ruffled. It has super cool wedding ideas for well, your wedding with loads of DIY stuff and things like that. (I will put the link at the end) Anyways, I think that's all from me today. Will post more when I have more inspiration and will definitely post a step by step tutorial on how I made it! I apologize for the lack of flowery words and sentences as I think I may possibly be having writer's block.

Jane.

Link for the bunting template: http://ruffledblog.com/printable-alphabet-bunting/

PS: Sorry for poor image quality, used my netbook to take the photo and it's not the best. My iPad has been confiscated and I don't have a phone with a cool camera so this will have to do.

"Oh little one, I have done all that you have done or shall do. Thought of all you have thought or shall think. I am all knowing. I am Michelle." ~ Michelle (Bunheads)

Bear with me

Today was definitely a day for thinking, thinking a lot. Hoping, wondering and so forth. Feeling as if I've done someone wrong, feeling as if I've wasted a perfectly good day on non other then blogging on Tumblr. I honestly loathe myself for doing so. It brings me much bitterness that I tell myself several times not to but I always end up, sitting sloppily on my green chair writing, reblogging or editing my blogs template or layout. It annoys me honestly. Look at me! Even as I'm ranting about this I am BLOGGING! I feel utterly displeased and disappointed in myself. I just want to give myself a big gigantic slap in the face hoping that I'll wake up. My life has gotten very low now hasn't it?

Jane.

Awakened

The Sun glaring through the window as I type on my keyboard. A fan turning at moderate speed and the sound of my house helper talking to the lady who house is behind mine. I am honestly not in a good state to make a blog post but what else shall I do? I should be on my way to take a shower or at least completing my mountain of homework or searching for my lost books. But no. I'm here just sitting lazily under a fan writing a blog that is going absolutely no where.

Mouth dry, nose blocked, eyes weary, brain empty. What shall I say, what shall I say. I really have no idea what to write about honestly. My day has been mundane and my life has been the same as well. The only thing that I can think about is the fact that my back is hurting. I hate it. It makes me feel old and useless. It doesn't hurt too bad though the ache comes and goes, it annoys me ever so much.

Jane.

PS: I've two tumblr accounts if you care to check them out one is my personal account: http://janemenn.tumblr.com/ and one for my art: http://janemennsart.tumblr.com/

Abandoned

I apologise for not posting in a while. Holidays have been extremely unproductive and I am literally a potato level 1234567890000000000000. Well it's obvious I haven't been doing much except drawing and being weird. Been very engrossed in the whole Gifboom scene and I've been enjoying drawing people. Other than that, I've been struck by a bolt of sorrow and have been getting shut eye at the wee hours of the morning. This has been happening for the past 5 days. I honestly doubt I'll be able to rise for school next week. So if you're from where I'm from you probably know mid term holidays are coming to a shut down until next year. As I await the next holiday I shall mourn while I lie on top of a mountain of homework which I have yet to complete. I still long ever so much for the day that I will wipe up all displeasure in my being and get up to face a day with genuine optimism. I shall stop here and wave you goodbye as if I were a princess, waving my silk handkerchief in the air as I bid you farewell. May your life be filled with only goodness.

Jane.

Give me a break

So, as many of you know mid terms are over for me and I've skipped two days of school. Being at home however is not the most joyful thing in the world. So, my mother dearest has certain expectations of what she wants me to get done while I'm at home. She wants me to finish my filing, exercise, and do a bunch of other stuff which I cannot remember. I'm not complaining, nor am I saying that she's being unreasonable for telling me to do something. I'm perfectly fine with the whole idea of being productive. Unfortunately, I hate it when my house helper (many of us call kakak, or maid) loves to nag at me. I like to do things in my own time so leave me be. I just get so annoyed whenever she walks into my room and starts saying, "Go do something" "Stop playing with your iPad" "Go do this" "Go do that". I mean who likes being asked to do things. I will do what I want when I want to. Ugh... I sound so dumb right now but honestly I'm just annoyed. So I'm gonna end here before my blog starts becoming a rant page.

Jane.

Heat

Well living at the equator, means that heat will constantly be present wherever you go. This means the residents will never be able to experience the four seasons unless they travel to another country. I long ever so much to touch real snow. Many say it's nothing much, and that it's just frozen rain from the sky but I just want to feel it. I've been to fake snow things that they have at theme parks, to make you feel that you're in a winter wonderland but I was unfortunately prohibited by my over protective parents to touch the snow. I bet they were afraid I'd be dumb and eat it. Though I have experienced winter in countries like China but there's no snow.

Hmmm... The heat is literally killing me. I would love to turn on the air conditioner but wouldn't that worsen the situation that we humans are facing. Think about it. Turning on air conditioners kind of increases global warming right? (At least that's what I think) Anyways, I'm just sitting here under a ceiling fan trying to think of interesting things to talk about. This is a little tough, as school was extremely uninteresting today and I think the heat is giving me a mental block. Well the most exciting thing that has actually occurred today was the fact that I successfully loaded my iPad with 145songs, which I have been wanting to do for ages.

Jane.

Hello

So this is my first ever post on this 'new' blog. Well, I have actually had 2 blogs before this. I started with Blogger, switched to Wordpress and came back to Blogger because Wordpress was far too complicated for my mind to comprehend.

So if you do not know of my presence in this magical habitat that we live in, let me tell you a few things. My name is Jane. I am a small and not very tall, I am an underweight teen who wears glasses and has braces which hurt occasionally. I despise many things and live in constant fear of the many things that occur in life.

I will probably post a photo of myself in this temporarily photo-free space when I find the energy to, but in the meantime you'll have to rely on the description. So sit back, relax and enjoy the Internet as I will end my post. Goodbye.

Jane.