The Craze

Fitness has never been it for me. I can't go swimming or jogging for more than 15 minutes without going nauseous; which only tells you how fit I am.

What with sportswear as normal wear and Nike's Roshe Runs selling like Justin Bieber tickets in 2010 (I had to google when he released 'Baby' to get that just so you know), it's obvious I've succumbed to society's latest trend; fitness.

For whatever reason, be it insecurities, peer pressure or my lack of physical health, I really can't believe I worked out two days ago. Using one of my mom's exercise DVDs by Jillian Michaels called, '6 Week, 6 Pack', I can tell you I passed out on the floor after 18 minutes of pure torture. It was like eating curry, except that I don't like exercise and I'd rather chug curry down my throat than exercise.

However, I am genuinely trying to make a change in my lifestyle. As surprising as it seems. I think my overly sedentary lifestyle has gotten to me and I'm having a mid-quarter life crisis.

On other matters, I have not blogged in the longest time on this space. Driving has been an extreme pain but I was surprised my lesson today went better than expected. I just hope transitioning to an auto car isn't too hard (driving a manual car or as the Americans call it, a 'stick shift').

Also, the new 'Paper Towns' trailer reminds me of 'Perks of Being A Wallflower'. Probably the first John Green flick I'm going to watch. No, I didn't watch 'The Fault in Our Stars' due refusal caused by hipster brain.

Jane

PS:

hipster brain
noun
the part of brain that avoids mainstream stuff 

So I Thought

Started work recently and life hasn't been as sweet. Mourning the loss of self-confidence in the whole fashion thing due to lack of expertise and just wanting to buy clothes I can't afford; basically life so far. I am a ranter I have realised that long before. At least I have something to fill my time while I wait and wonder. Life's just a little odd now. Don't know when normal life will come back but hopefully soon.

Shivering in With OCD

You continue mopping and wiping each crevasse of your room. Making sure everything looks neat just so you can mess it up again and repeat the whole process. But why? Is it cos it's the only thing you can control in your life; or the sole fact that you know something bad is going to happen and you're trying to keep your mind of it; or just because you can't stand your mom nagging up a storm? Whatever it may be, you suddenly just stop cleaning. It's 2.30am and you've been cleaning since noon. Your room's kinda neat but you need to clean some more. You can't. You shiver and you drop off your study chair; where you sat down arranging the magazines on your desk for the past 10 minutes. Eyes start dampening and you don't know what's wrong with you. You've been sleeping at 4am almost every night and even then, going to bed's a struggle. You're getting sick from the late nights but you can't sleep. Your eye bags build up and you notice how haggard you look in the mirror. You pick yourself up and take a quick shower. You come back to your neat room feeling a little satisfied but the heavy feeling still lingers. Lying down on your bed felt nice that particular night and you had no trouble sleeping which was to much surprise. You know this (easy-to-sleep nights) doesn't happen often and the shivers will stay but you cherish the moment because tomorrow it won't be the same.

Jane.

The Hungry

I hate to say this but I actually miss the cold 6am mornings where I'd struggle to breathe after splashing cold water on to my face. The many times I'll forget to bring my Biology textbook to class and the many moments when I'd come to class late because I was planning world domination (dealing with club work, paper work and other miscellaneous odd duties) during my self-extended recess and my Chemistry teacher's disappointed look when I make my walk of shame into class while people stare at me as if I had killed a man.

The grass is always greener on the other side and I can tell you I really wish I had somewhat of an obligation to do something at the moment. A chore, homework, a job; something to keep me busy so I could do something productive other than spend money that's not mine.

Looking for a job at this point of time has been a definite struggle and I can tell you I'm desperate as ever to get one. Going through interview after interview, hoping for a call after is like expecting me to clean my room (which at this point makes me feel disgusted). Well, on a lighter more enthusiastic note, I went for a job interview with Naomi at 'Inside Scoop' a new ice-cream joint near my house with the cutest ambiance and probably the best waffles in town. The interview was exceptionally interesting with me being showed two middle fingers and the main topic of life in general perspective. It was a good one and a half hours spent.

Also, been selling old SPM books at the school bus stop and managed to make RM60 after an hour a day for 3 days of shamelessly yelling "OLD SPM BOOKS FOR SALE!" at random students. Oh well, they can't judge me cos I'm not in high school anymore so I guess it doesn't really matter.

Jane

Christmas Spirit

All year round in this tropic wonder of a country we live in, white snowy Christmases aren't really a trend. Living in the city however, gives us various interpretations of what Christmas is, expressed through thousands of dollars spent on ornaments and decor that could probably feed a crowd of maybe about 20,000 or even more if put into perspective. Being up early, preparing for my church's celebration of this annual and very much anticipated holiday can be pretty taxing to be honest but it definitely is worth it. The sound of songs you know by heart, while everyone rushes around wishing you 'Merry Christmas' is awkward at times yet a warm feeling tends to burn in the sub-zero heart of mine.

Being in the spirit of Christmas, I adorned myself in the colours of a Christmas tree. Though often given weird glances and shocked looks, I plan to keep the colour for a while. Sitting in the saloon chair with the awful smell of peroxide was horrible and I thought I might've gotten 'high' from the poisonous fumes (my hyperbolic descriptions are of course for illustration purposes only). I think it's easy to say that I probably scared a few kids in the process of walking around the hotel corridors and what not.

The dress was a lovely gift from mom for my birthday. Something I couldn't possibly afford given my current state of unemployment and my ever so empty jar of coins. The Ezra (Zalora) crossbody was from a recent purchase I made about a month ago and the red and gold statement necklace was borrowed from Naomi.

On my face are the above products and also liquid liner. I am horrible at make up so don't take my word on it.

Product list (from left to right):
- REVLON NEARLY NAKED PRESSED POWDER
- Bobbi Brown Creamy Lip Color (Pink Glow 53)
- Estee Lauder Pure Color Long Lasting Lipstick (Fig 123)
- REVLON SUPER LUSTROUS LIPSTICK (SPARKLING CIDER 634)

Shoes are from Penang, and I can't remember where my mother bought them and I'm too lazy for a run down the stairs to check. They are a pair of faux snake skin kitten heels which are relatively comfortable unless you have a back problem because then, any skinny heel you wear will hurt.

This is probably one of my first 'legit' outfit posts and if you are actually reading this, do tell me what you think. You can probably find me on Twitter or something. (Twitter: @Janemenn)

Jane. 

The Unproductive, Lazy and Not So Deprived

So besides getting out of bed late on a daily basis, I've been tucking myself in at odd hours. Eye bags have been more prevalent than  during SPM season and I'm far to lazy to put on make up to cover up any of my creases, especially with my bangs, you can now ignore my non-existent eyebrows even more. The most I put on my face is probably water and lipstick just cos I think it makes me feel like Jane Lane (Yea, I'm obsessed. Shut up.) Youth camp was really great but falling asleep was horribly hard as well as getting up given my odd internal body clock being as screwed up as it is. Well, my birthday was pretty cool, the company was great and the presents were a bonus. I should probably formulate a plan for world domination or maybe get a job and get my driver's license (or at least start by taking my first shower of the day at 2.27pm). Productivity level: 0. Great job Jane.

Jane.

Thoughtful thoughts

Is it true that if it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be? Throw out your stupid cliché on how this is about a relationship. I’m just saying, generally. If the man doesn’t want you to do it, it’s not happening. That’s what I’m saying. It doesn’t matter how good a person you are or how you treat your pals. Your fate will be the same. The whole ‘buat baik, dibalas baik’ thing isn’t true I’m sure because good things happen to bad people who don’t deserve it. Though, that’s beside my point. My point is, if you were to be the best of the good, and you did nothing wrong, would you think for a second think that your friends might treat you with more compassion. Well, I’m sure nobody expects bad to befall them and the world to fall at their feet and sometimes even more. Well, you may do great things but never expect the same good to befall you. Just don’t. Expectation is a doorway to disappointment.

Jane.

PS: Daria has consumed me.

5 more agonising days

So basically, by the looks of the title you can tell that this is about SPM. Just a tiny update and venting space as per usual. I feel like with all these long breaks I've been given a large amount of time to prep for the next horrendous catastrophe of a paper but I choose to use that time for loading myself up with many sweets and a good load of Nestum and IKO cookies. I've also grown very fond of the palazzo pants Vanessa's mom handed down to me. It's extremely comfy but I just wish it was a tad bit cinched at the waist because it's pretty loose. During this period my mind is literally just filled with the thought of my career in fashion and if it will actually happen. I keep thinking of the horrible incident at which it doesn't happen. What then? I can't afford to dip my toes in the water to see if the water's too cold. I have to jump straight in. I hope I get the chance to get a fashion internship alongside a local designer or even an online magazine. I just wanna do fashion. I want to sit at a fashion show and watch it, and run around during KLFW taking pictures of pieces that I like as they float down the runway. (This is getting uber cliche) I just want to do that for as long as I'm capable but the thing is, will it bring cash? I still intend to feed myself. As much as the hippie, living out of a van life is cool and all, I plan to have 3 girls who will be perfect from every aspect imaginable. Though I still can't imagine myself married, I like to think myself capable of raising adequate and absolutely immaculate human beings. Getting back to the subject matter, i really hope I achieve what I strive for and I hope hard work is enough to get me where I want to go and i really really hope my determination kicks in. Seriously. I want this so bad. Like so bad.

Jane.

Want bags, need shoes

So instead of studying I went on to mooch around on Charles & Keith's website. Found these few jewels I touched at the store the other day and I they're on sale at the moment but even then I cannot afford any. Sadly we can't all have what we want now can we. Among all the hatbox bag is killer, so are the striped wedges (which make your legs look 10 times longer!). Gah I really have to stop this madness.

Jane.

Laundry anxious

Besides the normal blanking out and stretching vigorously during this examination period I've gotten accustomed to the environment of the cold and silent hall (apart from the occasional coughs and sneezes or whispers from the very mysterious invigilators). 4 out of 10 done and I want this to end as quickly as possible but it feels like I'm waiting for my laundry to be done in the wash ( I hate laundry and I can't be still till it's out of the machine and drying in the laundry room, I'm sure you know how I feel... maybe not... whatever). Though with all that is happening I can't help but anticipate the future. It's a pure excitement for this to end. Literally. I feel like I'm counting down to my birthday (which I am). Well other than my birthday I very much want to start more fashion posts on this here space or maybe start a new space. Who knows? But I should be working along the lines of that, hopefully this plays out accordingly.

Sayonara Seafield

Prom's long gone, and I have officially succeeded in blending in with the walls. Well SPM's on the way and I am screwed. Why am I even here? Well excited for this period to end, I feel like I'm counting the days till I get released from jail. Though high school has definitely been an experience, I don't know how to sum it up. Many people might say "High school has changed me so much as a person and I am forever grateful #highschool #forlife #ilovemyclass" or "High school's over, F- YES!" but honestly I don't know how I feel about leaving. It's like thank the heavens I will never have to see you basic faces ever again with a dash of I'm gonna cry and a sprinkle of OMG I'm gonna play Sims 4 after SPM. Kinda reminds me of the one time my mom made soup out of all the almost rotten food in our fridge. How the soup and high school relate, no clue. But two things I feel that I've taken from high school, are never make stupid decisions, cos when you do, you're screwed and always do sound checks if you're in charge of something related to a PA system (ALWAYS). So that's it, may I fair well next week in what my teachers call 'Medan Peperangan SPM'. 

Jane.

To infinity and beyond

Prom this Friday. France Student Exchange Programme isn't happening. SPM in 20 days. I am definitely panicking about the last thing. Though I feel like I'm sitting leisurely in a house that's on fire. I fear the danger of putting my life at risk but I like how the flames benignly brush my skin like a warm hug from a dear friend.  Prom is something I'm definitely excited about. I've been waiting for it since last year, and asked my best friend to be my date at the end of December last year. Well, it's in three days now and I must say I'm just filled with a huge amount of excitement and a little bit of sorrow, because it's one of the last events we'll have at school. Kinda makes you realise that high school is done and SPM is the next checkpoint out of this really long and agonising trip. I have to say as much as high school was never the best thing ever, it was nice having people around to live it out with. Makes me think of the future and how we may never keep in contact. Scares me that all these friendships are at risk of ending cos our journey ended. It's not that I don't want the journey to end. I just don't want the friendships to. I feel like I will end up bawling at the end of the night cos I'm just gonna miss everyone so much even though it's not the end of school yet. As for the student exchange thing, we win some, we lose some, so I guess I'm not too bummed about it. At least I'll get to get my driver's license, get internships, go to college, and maybe just focus on studying and my career and all that junk. Feeling like we're growing up to fast and I just wanna revisit the time when I could just suck my toes and no one would ever judge me.

Jane.

Off colour

So feeling a little thought spirally today. Thoughts are all around the place. I feel like I should be occupying my mind with more important things like my studies or fashion as an art (I currently understand fashion based on high fashion brands and visuals. I'm not too educated on the subject of fashion history itself.). I feel like over-thinking is a subconscious hobby of mine. It's a waste of mind space generally. I'm just annoyed at myself at the moment and I just need a place to complain.

Jane.

PS: I think my blog is becoming a wall of complaints. Oh well.

Mess

Just chilling in my cave. About 11 days left to trials and I'm on a level 'unprepped' that's unimaginably high and I just can't seem to get myself together. I need a hit in the face or just to get mauled by a bear. I'm sick of this. Time to hit self against wall until I obtain  new self.

Jane.

Bad camera, bad flash

So I found my Kodak EasyShare M420 yesterday on my table and decided to go round snapping pics with flash. It is very much known that flash screws up pictures and well, I decided to take a bunch of bad pictures with my camera and post them up. This is a general depiction of what my Wednesday nights look like but in bad lighting. Enjoy?

Random study desk photo.

My sister trying to make her 'The Who' t-shirt look 'distressed' as she calls it.

I actually had another picture of my Walkman but I couldn't find it. I hope this makes up for my many picture-less posts. Bye guise.

Jane.

Raya

Raya holidays have me sleeping at 4am at night. Watching Daria, studying and such. My life is just not interesting anymore.

Jane.

Speak your mind

People only listen because they can't shut their ears. With the widespread of social media today, well they can't shut you out without having that red notification number popping up on they're smartphone. (I do realise people can block you but that would be rude now wouldn't it) Coming to realisation the amount of times I've been caught guilty for ranting or ruining a person's day with the load of bullcow I carry along on my shoulders I totally understand how it can feel as an unpaid therapist. I personally enjoy hearing the problems of others, had a dream to be a psychologist once but my dear mother decided to pour acid on my dreams with the reason that I wouldn't be able to find a job. Well, moving on, it's just a fraction of people that just hate the constant pessimism of the world. They take you bullcow a few times and the rest is just them not being able to shut you out. Your thoughts are meaningless to them. In other words, they don't care what you're going through. It could be a loss of a loved one, a snap in a relationship or getting depressed. In conclusion, THEY DON'T CARE. Then why would they still talk to you, you might ask. Well they don't want to be the bad guy or be the potential cause of your suicide, that's why they stick to you for the few moments. so, my advice is, pick the right people you blurt you feelings out to, analyse and determine, be wise even in your times of desperate rage or depression.

Jane.

PS: I give credit to the people in life who have actually cared about my bullcow and have given me really great advice. I really do appreciate that from the bottom of my heart. So, thank you all very much for your time and effort.

Pass time

Just sitting in my room another day of school skipped. I have noticed a lack of pictures on my blog. Probably making it highly uninteresting to read. Well, I don't have a functioning camera and if I did I would honestly start somewhat of an ootd blog. Fashion has been a hobby of mine for quite a while now but I've never really talked about it here I suppose. My twitter profile is filled with either the most depressing of tweets or tweets about fashion mainly. I just love runway in general, having a 360 degree view of clothing, as it is hung so perfectly on a model. Runway is like and art exhibition but more soulful I suppose. I like how everything in a fashion show is cohesive. It's all themed, from the clothing itself, to the surrounding of the runway venue, to the chairs the guests sit on its all planned so well. It's like an open door in to the minds of people Karl Lagerfeld, Miuccia Prada, Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabanna and so many other talented designers. I've only gotten sucked into the whirlpool of fashion week only at the beginning of this year but I really do enjoy just looking at the clothes. It's like art to me. Everything is art whether it be a painting, a house or music. Art is no just drawing. Everything is art, and I choose to indulge in fashion as art.

Jane.

PS: This post is a real off one cos I started window shopping and I'm just in a dream now. I'll wake up soon I hope.

Exit

So a one way stop to Neverland and I took the nearest exit. It seemed pretty at first but what I was looking at was a visual taste which felt wonderful to the taste but it was burning my eyes. My brain processed that a while ago. The exit I made was long overdue. I missed what the normal world had to offer me. I missed the sight of the normal bland concrete without the coloured flowers and cotton candied hair. It was what I needed. It's just that all the mundane sequences have gotten me no where and my brain is a million places at once. Trying to think of ways to solve my problems when all I want is to go back to Neverland again.
 

Physical appeal

So this thought popped into my head last night while I was doing some late night pondering or what my mom would like to describe as "Nothing better to do ah!" in her Malaysian Chinese accent. The subject was ignited in my thought processor when an indirect act of favouritism based on physical appeal was acted upon me (well at least I took it that way). It is evident that physical appearance plays a part in how you're judged. First impressions are solely based on physical appearance. For instance, if you see a man who's dressed in torn and ragged clothes sitting by a sidewalk. Naturally, as humans we would assume he's a beggar but you'd never know he could be a billionaire. Though it came to me that, since its so normal in human nature to judge easily by physical appearance, does that happen amongst friends? Taking in perspective personality as well. I went around school asking a few friends what they'd do given the situation where there were two people with exactly the same personality (although this is highly unlikely) but one is less attractive than the other. who would you choose to be closer to? Many picked the prettier one. Which is evident how looks play that much of an importance to how someone is judged even when personality is taken into consideration.Which is sad because it proves how shallow the world is. Though I can't say much about society because I am a part of it as well. Such is the world.

Jane.