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Waking up on a day to day basis feeling utter dismay and totally no idea why I continue on is pretty much what sums up my past month. I still feel this way and I have many reasons why. I just can't take it! I see everyone around feeling utterly happy and blissful going on with their lives but I just have no clue why I can't 'enjoy' mine. I know being sad is a decision and not something that you can't change but I don't know why I choose to stay this way. 

Jane.

Solitude (kindly do not find this LOA, I just need to vent)

Putting off my studies for abit because of my dampened spirits. I hate to say it time and time again the longing to feel like I can relate to my peers. It's like I'm on the other side of the window wanting to get in not knowing how to or why I can't get in. Ignorant of my existence. It's pretty much my day to day life. Should've gotten used to it but well I guess I'm too much of an amateur at the whole 'I can be immune to this kinda thing' act. I don't blame them for anything, all I blame is myself for not having the sensibility, the sensibility to judge on my own circumstances. Knowing very well no one ever passes by on here, I am aware that no one will ever see these words. To whoever takes time to digest all that I'm uttering, I thank you very much. I apologise for throwing out more negativity into this space we call the Internet but where else can I vent but here? 

Jane.

PS: I thank those who have known and acknowledged my condition, my feelings and listened to me vomit out all that has accumulated inside of my tiny being. Thank you. (Names are flooding into my head but I will not name them as I'm afraid ill miss someone out)

It was meant to be

Hello. Half past midnight, the sound of cars from a highway somewhere out there. No, I'm not where I normally am. I'm not in my habitat. Currently sitting in a study room, on a couch feeling pretty tired but I'm calm and relaxed. Feeling less angry or depressed than I normally am. I think it's the Soap & Glory, I don't know. So I've been here for hours trying to get paperwork done while I hear mahjong pieces being thrown violently on a wooden table from downstairs. Mahjong seems like a very aggressive yet not very aggressive game. I've tried it once or twice but my mind is far too slow for it. I'm pretty contented in this tiny room. I like it honestly compare to my ever so cluttered bedroom which I don't even sleep in for goodness sake! Well st least it's 'decorated' in a way. Though I wished I hadn't painted my wall purple though it is a fun colour. Hmmm.... what to say what to say... This reminds me I have to text someone, hold on right there... (This is what happens when I'm thinking...)








And so now I have plans at 10am and I'm not even asleep yet. Good greif. (I tend to speak like an old English lady when I'm blogging I don't know why... maybe its just me) So I'm trying to start over during this holiday turn over a new leaf but it doesn't seem to be happening. My thoughts always get the best of me and I get sad all the time especially when I'm looking at people with their oh so perfect lives not having to struggle a day in their lives for anything, and others that just go on with their lives not knowing of my existence in theirs but there are some along the way that brighten up my day (no I never forget them). I'm trying to look on the brighter side of things, trying to let go of the grudges that I hold towards the countless people I've crossed paths with. Some even being the ones who are the closest to me in fact. Well enough about that, I shall talk about my new little obsession!!!! Well not much of an obsession I think of it as a mere phase. Well I went to the movies yesterday (couple seats are amazing! they comfy as heck!) and I watched Wolverine. My mother's friend took me and she picked the movie. This wasn't the normal kind of movie I'd watch considering the fact that I hate movies and the only movies I watch are either chick flicks or romantic comedies. So Wolverine was a first and it was AMAZING! I kinda had got hooked on this character Yukio which was like a spunky sidekick for Wolverine and she was all cool with her red hair and samurai sword. She was just so cool! Like seriously YOU HAVE TO WATCH THE MOVIE! YOU JUST HAVE TO!KDJBFKSJDBFKJDBFKJDBFKJDBKJSDB yes...... Okay I think I'm done for tonight getting sleepy... might just fall asleep here... Night.

Jane. 

Slacking

So, I planned out my week on what I should study and my time and everything and so far today was a bust. Procrastination got the best of me but hey! At least I got to complete a beautiful wall ornament/bunting  which has been used to add a little spice to my once plain and mundane wall. Well I got the template from a wedding website called Ruffled. It has super cool wedding ideas for well, your wedding with loads of DIY stuff and things like that. (I will put the link at the end) Anyways, I think that's all from me today. Will post more when I have more inspiration and will definitely post a step by step tutorial on how I made it! I apologize for the lack of flowery words and sentences as I think I may possibly be having writer's block.

Jane.

Link for the bunting template: http://ruffledblog.com/printable-alphabet-bunting/

PS: Sorry for poor image quality, used my netbook to take the photo and it's not the best. My iPad has been confiscated and I don't have a phone with a cool camera so this will have to do.

"Oh little one, I have done all that you have done or shall do. Thought of all you have thought or shall think. I am all knowing. I am Michelle." ~ Michelle (Bunheads)

Bear with me

Today was definitely a day for thinking, thinking a lot. Hoping, wondering and so forth. Feeling as if I've done someone wrong, feeling as if I've wasted a perfectly good day on non other then blogging on Tumblr. I honestly loathe myself for doing so. It brings me much bitterness that I tell myself several times not to but I always end up, sitting sloppily on my green chair writing, reblogging or editing my blogs template or layout. It annoys me honestly. Look at me! Even as I'm ranting about this I am BLOGGING! I feel utterly displeased and disappointed in myself. I just want to give myself a big gigantic slap in the face hoping that I'll wake up. My life has gotten very low now hasn't it?

Jane.

Awakened

The Sun glaring through the window as I type on my keyboard. A fan turning at moderate speed and the sound of my house helper talking to the lady who house is behind mine. I am honestly not in a good state to make a blog post but what else shall I do? I should be on my way to take a shower or at least completing my mountain of homework or searching for my lost books. But no. I'm here just sitting lazily under a fan writing a blog that is going absolutely no where.

Mouth dry, nose blocked, eyes weary, brain empty. What shall I say, what shall I say. I really have no idea what to write about honestly. My day has been mundane and my life has been the same as well. The only thing that I can think about is the fact that my back is hurting. I hate it. It makes me feel old and useless. It doesn't hurt too bad though the ache comes and goes, it annoys me ever so much.

Jane.

PS: I've two tumblr accounts if you care to check them out one is my personal account: http://janemenn.tumblr.com/ and one for my art: http://janemennsart.tumblr.com/

Abandoned

I apologise for not posting in a while. Holidays have been extremely unproductive and I am literally a potato level 1234567890000000000000. Well it's obvious I haven't been doing much except drawing and being weird. Been very engrossed in the whole Gifboom scene and I've been enjoying drawing people. Other than that, I've been struck by a bolt of sorrow and have been getting shut eye at the wee hours of the morning. This has been happening for the past 5 days. I honestly doubt I'll be able to rise for school next week. So if you're from where I'm from you probably know mid term holidays are coming to a shut down until next year. As I await the next holiday I shall mourn while I lie on top of a mountain of homework which I have yet to complete. I still long ever so much for the day that I will wipe up all displeasure in my being and get up to face a day with genuine optimism. I shall stop here and wave you goodbye as if I were a princess, waving my silk handkerchief in the air as I bid you farewell. May your life be filled with only goodness.

Jane.